Finals week

Here's a very short, very academic-related post, because I know there are people out there (person? A person, singular? Hi mum!) who are curious about school, as it's a relatively significant reason for me living in Oregon at the moment. There are a lot of other things going on this week, but I'll stick to school stuff for now.

I have five finals in five days coming up. This past Friday was the last day of classes (read: Examinable material), and come tomorrow morning, it's the beginning of the end. That wasn't supposed to sound so ominous, but take it as you will, haha. First up, it's Virology, which I suppose is nice because for me, it's the least petrifying. I have Pharmacology on Tuesday, Parasitology on Wednesday (which I'm actually excited to write...what's wrong with me?!), Bacteriology/Mycology on Thursday, and then, the icing on the Least Fun Cake Ever, is Systemic Pathology on Friday. There are two big bads for me this week, and they will be Pharm and Sys Path. They're not actually "bad" courses in any way- to be honest, I really enjoy both and they are actually the most important courses I'm taking this term. This, I suppose, is part of the problem- the pressure quotient gets upped and there is SO MUCH MATERIAL TO KNOW. Why do we have so many drugs?! It's staggering. I guess I'll appreciate that as a clinician, but as a wide-eyed baby vet student, it's a bit of a struggle. I haven't had a course so heavy on straight memorization since undergrad, so it's just a different learning style I am having to get used to again. 

Sys Path has been really interesting as well- I enjoy the labs and I love that we get to use the knowledge that we are gradually accruing to solve these medical mysteries. Still, there is no way to retain every single bit of material we've been taught for this exam. Instead, I am trying to focus on the most important concepts: The most common diseases that we'll see over and over, reportable stuff because it's so important for disease control and public health, etc. I will be so unbelievably glad to get this week over with. Ems is coming down here on Tuesday for some much-appreciated sisterly support, and then we'll drive home together on Friday with maybe a little stop overnight in Portland to do some Christmas shopping. I can't even really let myself get excited about that yet, because it feels like there is so, so much to do before I get there.

Ah well, one day at a time is all I can do. Now, it's time to stop procrastinating, skim over a few more notes for tomorrow, and get to bed. I'm pretty sure writing a blog entry was LITERALLY the very last thing I could justifiably do tonight to keep from continuing to study...I already did laundry, went to the gym, walked the dog, organized my textbooks, made several lists and study schedules to avoid actually having to *do* said study, etc. Sigh. Wish me luck!

Sweeping declaration

Let it be known that when you climb a reasonably tall tree, and then do a cherry drop on a (thankfully low-hanging) branch in an effort to gain back your youthful joie-de-vivre, but then you fall out of said tree because you are not ten years old anymore and you are sleep-deprived and maybe a bit hysterical, you have nobody but yourself to blame. That is all.

*rubs sore shoulder*

Apparently, I was riding a false sense of confidence high after working on some fun gymnastic-y stuff at the gym today. It felt so good to do some backbends and handstands and front walk overs again. It's also the first time in years, I think, that I managed a back walkover without any help. I fully want to be that 90 year old woman someday who schools all the young 'uns by sprinting up a mountain or something. OK, I'll totally be happy just to have both of my hips and all of my own teeth at that age, even if I am motoring around in a scooter with a flag on it with all of my ancient, toothless dogs crammed around me like some canine version of Tetris. I will also probably be wearing all the t-shirts with kittens on them that I want. But they will still be kind of sexy t-shirts (is there any other kind of kitten t-shirt?).

On the other hand! My sister Emma and her partner Steve are driving down here as we speak! I am deliriously excited, because they're already in Portland so they'll be here soon. I have heaps of study to do (being that I'm smack in the middle of midterms), but we'll be able to squeeze in coffee breaks and dinners and maybe even some cheeky drinks later on tonight. It's just that I don't want to have to study at all. You *could* say that I'm experiencing...an Emma Dilemma. Hey-o!

*crickets*

Chester, Dixie, and Iska

...for when I need 3 very, very important reminders of why I'm in vet school.

Dixie and Chester and their (in)famous car snuggles- I guess they didn't have much choice. Ever try to fit 200 lbs of dog in the back of a Toyota Echo?

Iska- the best childhood friend a girl could ever have.

Dixie surveys her Queendom and one of my favorite places in the world- the South Okanagan, British Columbia.

More Dixie and Chester road trip antics. Super obscene, yet pretty adorable.

Those eyes break my heart. They used to watch my every move, and I miss that gaze every single day.

Chester was a water dog through and through, and I enjoyed exploiting his obsession for my own amusement. :)

Chester's favorite co-pilot position and signature move- his head on my shoulder.

Iska flaunts one of her (shocking) haircuts.

My girls. It is perplexing to me that in this shot the Cairn Terrier looks to be half the size of the Great Dane.

Dog of my heart.

The kids taking a break while hiking the North Coast Trail. San Josef Bay, Vancouver Island, BC.

I remember this day so well...a gorgeous, sunny day with the dogs in Fort Langley, BC.

Trying to get a nice, posed shot...take fifty. Ah well, this one's better, anyway!

Chester and I took a road trip every summer, just the two of us, for nearly all of his 13 years.  

Sympathy, people.

Ignore the smirk, I'm in severe physical pain.

Here's the photographic evidence. I realize that from here, it looks like there's only *possibly* a bit of a shadow there, but in real life TRUST ME- I look pretty badass. Now all I need is a couple of tear drop tattoos and I'll be set. I think it nicely accentuates the ever-growing bags under my eyes, don't you? 

Shiner

Today, I add yet another amusing mishap to the list of Things That Only Happen To Caitlin. Almost a year ago to the week, I put my knee through a glass window in Perth. Yes, I was sober. This resulted in a torn meniscus, emergency surgery, a 4-day hospital stay, and my very own 5-inch Harry Potter lighting scar over my knee.

OK, so this isn't that dramatic- but it is pretty funny. The other night, I was playing a stupid chase game on the floor with Andy. He had his giant black Kong, and he was charging around (in that slow, kind of stiff, sweet, old-dog way), doing his best zoomies around the living room and in and out of my bedroom. I was crouched on the floor in my room, stomping with my hands on the floor every time he flew past me and thoroughly egging him on. His mouth was open in a huge grin, his eyes were wide and crazy, and he was growling and flailing around and generally having a grand old time. I have sort of a narrow hallway, and at one point he did a play bow at me, turned, and crashed into the hall closet door. It was the saddest, most hilarious thing ever- but maybe a bit more sad, because he yelped and dropped his Kong. When he came running over to me for some comfort, I was more than happy to oblige.

I gathered him up in my arms on the floor, and gave him some kisses on his big giant block head. Of course, I didn't pay close enough attention to the fact that he had frozen in my lap, and had his set of Crazy Eyes going. He was still in play mode. As I leaned down once again to kiss his head, he lurched out of my lap and went flying down the hallway to grab his Kong again. The only problem was he had first punched me in the eye with a front leg (complete with freshly-clipped nails- ouch) and, if that weren't enough, soundly slammed his cranium into my face as he made his getaway. It was like, "BAM! Gotcha! Oh wait- here comes my brain box for Round Two!" Andy 1, Caitlin 0.

I sat there for a second, started laughing, and then thought, "ouch". When I opened both eyes and looked up, there was Andy standing in the doorway, tail waving slowly and Kong in his mouth. He looked so earnest- it was like he was thinking, "what are you still doing down there?" Upon examination in the mirror, my left eye was red and swollen and I had a big scratch down the lid. At the time, I also saw the discoloration start...sure enough, on day three, I now have a little bitty black eye to wear proudly as a reminder of what Andy really thinks about me. I'm sure he's been waiting for an excuse for a long time. ;-) He's so cute though. Over the years, I've had far more "love" injuries from animals than the other kind. Chester gave me at least 3 nosebleeds in his life and many more fat lips from over-exuberant greetings, and who can ever forget the sweetness of eager foster kittens literally climbing your bare legs in the bathroom in the middle of the night? Pretty sure I still have a scar or ten as a result of that.

On a totally unrelated note, I am sitting in a coffee shop "studying" (clearly), and I have been totally eavesdropping on the most fascinating conversation about politics between a group of maybe sixty- and seventy-something women. I didn't mean to, but they have such conscientious, intelligent, reasonable arguments for everything. Somebody get these ladies a presidential nomination for 2016 (or immediately, if the unthinkable happens)!

Only 2.5 more weeks, 5 exams, and one major presentation to get through before I get to come home for American Thanksgiving (4 day weekend!!). Then, only a couple more weeks after that, and I have a month off to spend with family and friends in Vancouver. It can't come soon enough, at this point.

Well, back to work I go. Central nervous system drugs beckon! xo

This is not the time for a blog post.

I very much have A MILLION THINGS to do for tomorrow, and then that pretty much doesn't stop until the beginning of December, but there you go. I'm writing one anyway. I think that the importance of documenting things that make me happy and remind me of why I'm here and doing this and slogging through mountains of skin path (ugh) and pharmacokinetics (double ugh) can never be underestimated. Also, run on sentences are perfectly acceptable in my blog, so there, perfectionism brain! No, you shut up! ;-)

Today, I woke up at 6 in order to get ready, walk the dog in the pouring rain, and then make the one-hour drive to Eugene for my first time volunteering with Pro-Bone-O (best name ever!), a free community veterinary clinic. The OSU College of Veterinary Medicine Shelter Medicine club has a relationship with this group, so vet students are encouraged to go and help out at every opportunity. Every time I do things like this, I get totally renewed and energized and feel so invigorated. This is my favorite thing, my raison d'etre. It's pretty amazing to be in the very fortunate, privileged position of helping to provide veterinary services to people who are otherwise unable to access it. There's kind of a glaring issue apparent when I think about how I wish I could make my living doing work like this, but no matter- I'll work at a normal grown-up job in order to take time away to go do things like this as much as possible.

I arrived at the clinic bright and early, and was thankful to have made it on time. This is because, despite having written myself two notes (one placed tenderly on my pillow last night, the other on the bathroom sink) AND scribbling on my hand, I still forgot the big bag of FeLV antigen tests that was sitting in my fridge, ready and waiting to be used at Pro-Bone-O. But I digress. After a minor reroute (and I saw deer again! Totally worth it!), I made it there and met the rest of the volunteer team. One vet was an OSU grad, and the other was a grad from Tufts in Boston. They were both lovely, as were the other people. When I arrived, there was a massive lineup of people waiting outside the building in the pouring rain with their dogs and cats. I got myself organized (ish), and was immediately put in charge of triaging patients. The clinic has a lottery system whereby the first 50 people and their pets get seen, but pets who are critical obviously get first dibs and the most rapid attention. There weren't any super critical patients this morning, but some were definitely in need of medical attention. Along with them, there were tons of appointments for vaccines, parasite control, nail trims, anal gland expressions, nutritional and behavioural advice, etc.

I worked for the morning with one of the vets, and she and I saw at least 25 patients. Some highlights for me were draining an aural hematoma (fun!), seeing my first case of rickets in an older dog, and successfully navigating a difficult situation with a client. The latter was not fun, but a highlight for me because you have to practice at this stuff, and my ability to remain calm, respectful, and professional led to an outcome that was satisfactory for both parties. For the most part, our cases were reasonably complex (dermatological cases in particular- skin pathology it seems will haunt me even on my days off). Skin problems are clinically very challenging to work with, even if you have every fancy-schmancy diagnostic and referral centre at your disposal, as well as a client who is capable of pursuing it. In this case, we are seeing clients who, for a wide variety of reasons, are limited in their ability to manage an itchy dog or cat. From our end too, we have very little in the way of resources even for diagnosis, let alone treatment. I stained a lot of slides today of skin scrapings and ear goo, so being able to get a good look at things under a microscope is a start. Bacteria, yeast, mites...these animals were full of them. We did what we could, and tried our best to make recommendations that were reasonable and within reach of our clientele.

Talking to clients made me realize that yes, I may know some things. Not very many yet, but some. I had so many people thank me for taking the time to talk to them and make suggestions (under the vet's supervision, of course). I actually even had two different people thank me for LISTENING to them. This was a really interesting one for me- I gave the whole thing a lot of thought on my way home, whilst passing green fields and red/orange/yellow trees and misty forest and singing along to Mumford and Sons and Bon Iver. Many people who are down on their luck, who have had entire lifetimes of shitty circumstances fall into their laps, people who have too little support and too much pain...they get used to not being heard. Not having a house or money or anything of traditional value in our culture reduces people, human beings, to labels or generalizations or topics that people who are better-off talk about uncomfortably at dinner parties. For so very many people I have met in these types of circumstances, their pets are everything to them. I know that feeling from knowing Chester, and I have so many people in my life who love me as well as SO. MANY. MATERIAL. THINGS. I cannot imagine how much more Chester might have meant to me if I had no one else in my life, or I was treated with disdain by others with abhorrent frequency. It's important to listen to clients- a lot of us may have started out in the helping professions because we want to help (people, animals), and maybe we want to fix the problems of others, even cure them. That's a noble thought, but (forget the fact that mostly we can't cure anything for anyone!) often times, the best thing we can do is just listen. Listen to someone cry, talk about their dog when he was a puppy, or describe what they mean when they think their pet just "ain't doin' right"- a concept that is in and of itself so useful for diagnostic purposes that it has its own shorthand. Now you know what it means when you see ADR in any veterinary patient's chart. :)

Today was amazing. It wasn't anything "special" in the sense that I got to practice a lot of new technical skills...I gave a ton of vaccines, treated a lot of dogs for parasites, looked at a lot of slides, filled a lot of prescriptions. Still though, I really do believe that people in most careers- whether teachers, nurses, vets, physicians, carpenters, whatever- should have a professional and moral obligation to support related non-profits in their communities and give of their time and skills. What does it cost me to go and do something like this for a few hours every couple of weeks (well, besides possibly my pharmacology quiz grade tomorrow, haha)? How much of a reduction would there be in unwanted companion animals if every single vet in the world performed one free spay/neuter a month? I don't know. It just makes sense to me.

I'm feeling pretty good today. I am going to go back now to studying, with the promise of a dance class later to break up the evening. Andy is lying next to me, and every time I glance at him, his tail thumps on the floor. He's a nice companion for a rainy Sunday, even if I'd rather be spending it with a glass of wine and a scary movie than memorizing drugs. I faux-complain (fauxplain?), but really, I think that there's no better place in the world for me to be right now. Lots of love! xoxo

Loss

I really am terrible at this blogging thing. I guess I have a pretty good excuse, particularly over the past while...there's been so much going on, and I've pretty much been existing in survivor-mode. I've been here in Corvallis for a month now (!!), and what a month it's been. It seems strange to think that this has been both the hardest month of my life and the beginning of something that I suspect will be amazing, once I start to feel more like me again.

I only want to write a line or so about Chester. He died, unexpectedly, on September 18th...my second night in Corvallis. I am not really ready to talk about that yet, but suffice it to say he was my best friend and my heart dog, and I will never be the same without him. That was huge and heartbreaking and shattered my world. Moving on. Add to that a couple of other significant personal challenges, and I had the recipe for one hell of a tough first term in my new town, at my brand new vet school. Despite all that, I have been managing to cope. I have actually genuinely surprised myself, and it's kind of a nice surprise to discover that that's still possible (do I sound like a bitter, jaded old harpy? Haha). I still cry every night, and I still have those dreams where I can feel his rough, wavy coat under my fingertips as I sleep. I still wake up a lot and reach for him, and he's not there, and then the nightmare comes rushing back. 

Now, I have Andy. Andy is not my dog- he's a 9 year-old very mixy black Lab-something, and he's hanging out with me for a while. He has just experienced huge loss as well, so we have that in common. He's a lovely, quirky, grey-faced old man, and he likes to sleep and take walks in the woods behind our apartment and play tug-of-war. He is learning about toys and the clicker- and has taken to both with fervent abandon. I can appreciate Andy for being his own special self, and for the most part I don't project any of my sadness or grief onto him. He is Andy, not Chester...I guess that makes it easier, in a way- there is really no dog that could remind me of him, because he existed on his own plane of importance and significance and love and joy in my life. 

The other day, I was driving up the street towards my apartment. I live on sort of a forested little mountain-y hill, just slightly outside of the centre of the town. I love the area; I enjoy the quiet and the woods and the smell of pine trees in the rain. At any rate, I was driving, and there were the inevitable tears, and I don't remember what exactly I was thinking about in that second, but I happened to see a  beautiful black-tailed stag step into the street. As I slowed to a stop to let him cross, I saw another move out into the street behind him. As I marveled at my luck, I continued to watch in awe as not 2, not 3, but 9 deer (including a couple of fawns) crossed the street in front of me. They weren't in any hurry, and the little group paused to graze on a lawn across the street. A jogger ran past and did a double take- the deer weren't even fazed. I just felt so very lucky to have seen that, and I think in that moment I really needed to have some wildlife make an appearance and remind me to appreciate the moment and to be grateful for the many wonderful things I have, and have had, and will always have, in my life. 

The vet school here is beautiful, and the people are really lovely. It feels like a very supportive environment, and I am joining the shelter medicine club (!!!!), the association of equine practitioners, the international veterinary students association (which plans and executes a large/small animal health clinic each summer in Nicaragua!), and the zoo/wildlife/exotics club. There's so much more to do and take part in, but everything is so overwhelming right now that I'm trying to take one thing at a time (right now, it's get through the 4-midterms-in-6-days nonsense that we've been subjected to- 3 down, 1 to go!). I've actually done very, very well in school so far. I don't know how it's happening, but I'm grateful for it. 

So, there it is. I'm at my new vet school, I'm doing it in spite of my fears that I wouldn't be able to, and hopefully things will just get more manageable with time. Sending lots of love, and I hope you're all doing amazingly well in your little corners of the world. xo

Tabula rasa

I can't imagine that anyone reads this blog with the exception of my family (and that poor German person who seems to stumble upon my blog every once in a while), but here's a little update on the craziness that has been my life over the past nine months (oops!) since I've written a post. 

First off, let's not beat around the bush. The biggest news is that I found out about a month ago (is that all it's been?!) that I received a transfer position that opened up at the Oregon State University College of Veterinary Medicine in Corvallis, Oregon. I had applied last July when mum got sick, with very little hope that I'd ever hear anything (transfer positions are RARE in veterinary programs!). After a year and a half at Murdoch University in Australia, I had more or less settled in with the help of my incredible friends and support system in Perth. Still, there have been family issues at home that made it very hard for me to be so far away, and this past year especially had been a real challenge.

Fast forward to last month. I was invited to apply for an open transfer position, and after sending in all of the pertinent information and then waiting with bated breath, I got it! I couldn't believe it, it just seemed so surreal. The idea of making another big move to another vet school (in another country!) no less was daunting, but there was really no other choice in my mind. To me, the universe was telling me that I had the opportunity to be closer to my family again, and I took it. What followed has been a frantic month of preparations for the move, with me returning as planned to Perth after my three weeks of "winter" break in Vancouver. I spent about two and a half weeks in Perth cleaning the house, packing, organizing flights, and saying very difficult goodbyes to my close friends in Australia. 

I arrived back in Vancouver first, followed by Chester on his own (complete with a lot of anxious hand-wringing by Iain and I). Iain arrives in early September, at which point we'll head down to Oregon to find a place to live, come back to BC for some camping and goodbyes, then pack our things and actually make the move to Oregon. School starts in late September, but I have a graduate student orientation the week before, and a veterinary student orientation the following day. That will be good- I should have at least a week down there to settle in, relax a bit, buy my books, and start to find my way around Corvallis. It shouldn't be hard- by all accounts, it's a quaint little university town of 50,000 or so. I will be starting 2nd year again at OSU, even though I was half way through 2nd year already at Murdoch. Still, because OSU is a 4 year program and Murdoch is 5 years, I will actually graduate half a year earlier at Oregon State. That will be nice! 

My schedule for this coming semester is pretty intense, but looks awesome! I'm taking Parasitology, Pharmacology, Pathology, Virology, Mycology, and Bacteriology. In a nutshell, most of the "ologies". I've also got some amazing plans ahead for my summer breaks, which now mesh much better with some of the opportunities for vet students here in North America that I have been eager to pursue. Speaking of amazing opportunities, I just returned from a 4-day trip to the community of Ahousaht, on Flores Island in Clayoquot Sound. I went with the Canadian Animal Assistance Team, and it was my 7th project with this most favorite charity of mine! We had the most amazing team- two vets, along with 4 technologists, and a bevy of assistants. Every single member of the team was hard-working, dedicated, passionate, and tireless, which was fortunate as we ended up working very, very long days. I got to bed after midnight each night that we worked.

We arrived on Flores Island on Thursday afternoon, after a long day of packing, picking up our supplies, and travel. The west coast of Vancouver Island boasts some of the most stunning landscape one will ever see, and for me, it was the first time I'd been in a couple of years. Driving through the Pacific Rim National Park, I could feel that familiar release of stress and tension that signifies my return to nature at its wildest. I love the town of Tofino, but didn't see a lot of it- we headed straight for the docks and unloaded our pick up truck filled with medical supplies, dog and cat crates, and personal gear. After the boat ride, we unloaded at the rickety dock in Ahousaht and got settled in our living quarters. After, we unpacked our supplies and set up in the community hall where the clinic was to take place. We were joined on our walk through the village by countless community dogs, many of which were females visibly in heat, and their (many, many) suitors. Not for long, if we had any say in the matter!

To make a long story short, our team managed to spay and neuter more than 70 dogs and cats in the community. In addition, we vaccinated, provided parasite control, treated lacerations and abscesses, and cleaned up some rotten mouths. On a personal note, I got heaps of opportunities to practice IV catheter placement, intubation, line blocks, and anesthesia monitoring. I still find monitoring mature or pediatric spays quite stressful, but it takes a lot of practice! With injectable anesthetic protocols, it's not simply a case of standing there with your fancy iso machine and adjusting the dials as needed. As one of the vets put it, it's an art and a science- you have to rely on your eyes, your ears, and your stethoscope. I was so grateful for the help and patience of our incredible vets and techs who were always willing and eager to share their vast knowledge and experience with this newbie vet student. :)

I felt proud of some moments on this trip. They included correctly identifying a dog whose bradycardia (even prior to her premedication) made her unsuitable for surgery under our conditions, as confirmed by one of the vets. I intubated all sizes of animals from large dogs to kittens, and felt like my line blocks were well-placed (as evidenced by not needing to top up my patients' anesthetic during crucial moments). This year in school, I will be taking surgery, anesthesia, and medicine. I feel like when I do, things will start to fall in place even more! I have so much gratitude for CAAT and my experiences with them for allowing me to develop and hone my passions for field medicine, public health, and working with people and animals in underserved communities. We felt very welcomed by the community of Ahousaht. Lovely people and lovely animals!

I'd better wrap it up here. Thank you for joining me on my new adventures in my vet med education- I'll can't promise I'll try to be better about blogging, but I'll try to try! Also, in an effort to make this *not* the most boring blog that ever was, I will even make some sort of effort to post pictures. You're welcome! ;-)