Sympathy, people.

Ignore the smirk, I'm in severe physical pain.

Here's the photographic evidence. I realize that from here, it looks like there's only *possibly* a bit of a shadow there, but in real life TRUST ME- I look pretty badass. Now all I need is a couple of tear drop tattoos and I'll be set. I think it nicely accentuates the ever-growing bags under my eyes, don't you? 

Shiner

Today, I add yet another amusing mishap to the list of Things That Only Happen To Caitlin. Almost a year ago to the week, I put my knee through a glass window in Perth. Yes, I was sober. This resulted in a torn meniscus, emergency surgery, a 4-day hospital stay, and my very own 5-inch Harry Potter lighting scar over my knee.

OK, so this isn't that dramatic- but it is pretty funny. The other night, I was playing a stupid chase game on the floor with Andy. He had his giant black Kong, and he was charging around (in that slow, kind of stiff, sweet, old-dog way), doing his best zoomies around the living room and in and out of my bedroom. I was crouched on the floor in my room, stomping with my hands on the floor every time he flew past me and thoroughly egging him on. His mouth was open in a huge grin, his eyes were wide and crazy, and he was growling and flailing around and generally having a grand old time. I have sort of a narrow hallway, and at one point he did a play bow at me, turned, and crashed into the hall closet door. It was the saddest, most hilarious thing ever- but maybe a bit more sad, because he yelped and dropped his Kong. When he came running over to me for some comfort, I was more than happy to oblige.

I gathered him up in my arms on the floor, and gave him some kisses on his big giant block head. Of course, I didn't pay close enough attention to the fact that he had frozen in my lap, and had his set of Crazy Eyes going. He was still in play mode. As I leaned down once again to kiss his head, he lurched out of my lap and went flying down the hallway to grab his Kong again. The only problem was he had first punched me in the eye with a front leg (complete with freshly-clipped nails- ouch) and, if that weren't enough, soundly slammed his cranium into my face as he made his getaway. It was like, "BAM! Gotcha! Oh wait- here comes my brain box for Round Two!" Andy 1, Caitlin 0.

I sat there for a second, started laughing, and then thought, "ouch". When I opened both eyes and looked up, there was Andy standing in the doorway, tail waving slowly and Kong in his mouth. He looked so earnest- it was like he was thinking, "what are you still doing down there?" Upon examination in the mirror, my left eye was red and swollen and I had a big scratch down the lid. At the time, I also saw the discoloration start...sure enough, on day three, I now have a little bitty black eye to wear proudly as a reminder of what Andy really thinks about me. I'm sure he's been waiting for an excuse for a long time. ;-) He's so cute though. Over the years, I've had far more "love" injuries from animals than the other kind. Chester gave me at least 3 nosebleeds in his life and many more fat lips from over-exuberant greetings, and who can ever forget the sweetness of eager foster kittens literally climbing your bare legs in the bathroom in the middle of the night? Pretty sure I still have a scar or ten as a result of that.

On a totally unrelated note, I am sitting in a coffee shop "studying" (clearly), and I have been totally eavesdropping on the most fascinating conversation about politics between a group of maybe sixty- and seventy-something women. I didn't mean to, but they have such conscientious, intelligent, reasonable arguments for everything. Somebody get these ladies a presidential nomination for 2016 (or immediately, if the unthinkable happens)!

Only 2.5 more weeks, 5 exams, and one major presentation to get through before I get to come home for American Thanksgiving (4 day weekend!!). Then, only a couple more weeks after that, and I have a month off to spend with family and friends in Vancouver. It can't come soon enough, at this point.

Well, back to work I go. Central nervous system drugs beckon! xo

This is not the time for a blog post.

I very much have A MILLION THINGS to do for tomorrow, and then that pretty much doesn't stop until the beginning of December, but there you go. I'm writing one anyway. I think that the importance of documenting things that make me happy and remind me of why I'm here and doing this and slogging through mountains of skin path (ugh) and pharmacokinetics (double ugh) can never be underestimated. Also, run on sentences are perfectly acceptable in my blog, so there, perfectionism brain! No, you shut up! ;-)

Today, I woke up at 6 in order to get ready, walk the dog in the pouring rain, and then make the one-hour drive to Eugene for my first time volunteering with Pro-Bone-O (best name ever!), a free community veterinary clinic. The OSU College of Veterinary Medicine Shelter Medicine club has a relationship with this group, so vet students are encouraged to go and help out at every opportunity. Every time I do things like this, I get totally renewed and energized and feel so invigorated. This is my favorite thing, my raison d'etre. It's pretty amazing to be in the very fortunate, privileged position of helping to provide veterinary services to people who are otherwise unable to access it. There's kind of a glaring issue apparent when I think about how I wish I could make my living doing work like this, but no matter- I'll work at a normal grown-up job in order to take time away to go do things like this as much as possible.

I arrived at the clinic bright and early, and was thankful to have made it on time. This is because, despite having written myself two notes (one placed tenderly on my pillow last night, the other on the bathroom sink) AND scribbling on my hand, I still forgot the big bag of FeLV antigen tests that was sitting in my fridge, ready and waiting to be used at Pro-Bone-O. But I digress. After a minor reroute (and I saw deer again! Totally worth it!), I made it there and met the rest of the volunteer team. One vet was an OSU grad, and the other was a grad from Tufts in Boston. They were both lovely, as were the other people. When I arrived, there was a massive lineup of people waiting outside the building in the pouring rain with their dogs and cats. I got myself organized (ish), and was immediately put in charge of triaging patients. The clinic has a lottery system whereby the first 50 people and their pets get seen, but pets who are critical obviously get first dibs and the most rapid attention. There weren't any super critical patients this morning, but some were definitely in need of medical attention. Along with them, there were tons of appointments for vaccines, parasite control, nail trims, anal gland expressions, nutritional and behavioural advice, etc.

I worked for the morning with one of the vets, and she and I saw at least 25 patients. Some highlights for me were draining an aural hematoma (fun!), seeing my first case of rickets in an older dog, and successfully navigating a difficult situation with a client. The latter was not fun, but a highlight for me because you have to practice at this stuff, and my ability to remain calm, respectful, and professional led to an outcome that was satisfactory for both parties. For the most part, our cases were reasonably complex (dermatological cases in particular- skin pathology it seems will haunt me even on my days off). Skin problems are clinically very challenging to work with, even if you have every fancy-schmancy diagnostic and referral centre at your disposal, as well as a client who is capable of pursuing it. In this case, we are seeing clients who, for a wide variety of reasons, are limited in their ability to manage an itchy dog or cat. From our end too, we have very little in the way of resources even for diagnosis, let alone treatment. I stained a lot of slides today of skin scrapings and ear goo, so being able to get a good look at things under a microscope is a start. Bacteria, yeast, mites...these animals were full of them. We did what we could, and tried our best to make recommendations that were reasonable and within reach of our clientele.

Talking to clients made me realize that yes, I may know some things. Not very many yet, but some. I had so many people thank me for taking the time to talk to them and make suggestions (under the vet's supervision, of course). I actually even had two different people thank me for LISTENING to them. This was a really interesting one for me- I gave the whole thing a lot of thought on my way home, whilst passing green fields and red/orange/yellow trees and misty forest and singing along to Mumford and Sons and Bon Iver. Many people who are down on their luck, who have had entire lifetimes of shitty circumstances fall into their laps, people who have too little support and too much pain...they get used to not being heard. Not having a house or money or anything of traditional value in our culture reduces people, human beings, to labels or generalizations or topics that people who are better-off talk about uncomfortably at dinner parties. For so very many people I have met in these types of circumstances, their pets are everything to them. I know that feeling from knowing Chester, and I have so many people in my life who love me as well as SO. MANY. MATERIAL. THINGS. I cannot imagine how much more Chester might have meant to me if I had no one else in my life, or I was treated with disdain by others with abhorrent frequency. It's important to listen to clients- a lot of us may have started out in the helping professions because we want to help (people, animals), and maybe we want to fix the problems of others, even cure them. That's a noble thought, but (forget the fact that mostly we can't cure anything for anyone!) often times, the best thing we can do is just listen. Listen to someone cry, talk about their dog when he was a puppy, or describe what they mean when they think their pet just "ain't doin' right"- a concept that is in and of itself so useful for diagnostic purposes that it has its own shorthand. Now you know what it means when you see ADR in any veterinary patient's chart. :)

Today was amazing. It wasn't anything "special" in the sense that I got to practice a lot of new technical skills...I gave a ton of vaccines, treated a lot of dogs for parasites, looked at a lot of slides, filled a lot of prescriptions. Still though, I really do believe that people in most careers- whether teachers, nurses, vets, physicians, carpenters, whatever- should have a professional and moral obligation to support related non-profits in their communities and give of their time and skills. What does it cost me to go and do something like this for a few hours every couple of weeks (well, besides possibly my pharmacology quiz grade tomorrow, haha)? How much of a reduction would there be in unwanted companion animals if every single vet in the world performed one free spay/neuter a month? I don't know. It just makes sense to me.

I'm feeling pretty good today. I am going to go back now to studying, with the promise of a dance class later to break up the evening. Andy is lying next to me, and every time I glance at him, his tail thumps on the floor. He's a nice companion for a rainy Sunday, even if I'd rather be spending it with a glass of wine and a scary movie than memorizing drugs. I faux-complain (fauxplain?), but really, I think that there's no better place in the world for me to be right now. Lots of love! xoxo

Loss

I really am terrible at this blogging thing. I guess I have a pretty good excuse, particularly over the past while...there's been so much going on, and I've pretty much been existing in survivor-mode. I've been here in Corvallis for a month now (!!), and what a month it's been. It seems strange to think that this has been both the hardest month of my life and the beginning of something that I suspect will be amazing, once I start to feel more like me again.

I only want to write a line or so about Chester. He died, unexpectedly, on September 18th...my second night in Corvallis. I am not really ready to talk about that yet, but suffice it to say he was my best friend and my heart dog, and I will never be the same without him. That was huge and heartbreaking and shattered my world. Moving on. Add to that a couple of other significant personal challenges, and I had the recipe for one hell of a tough first term in my new town, at my brand new vet school. Despite all that, I have been managing to cope. I have actually genuinely surprised myself, and it's kind of a nice surprise to discover that that's still possible (do I sound like a bitter, jaded old harpy? Haha). I still cry every night, and I still have those dreams where I can feel his rough, wavy coat under my fingertips as I sleep. I still wake up a lot and reach for him, and he's not there, and then the nightmare comes rushing back. 

Now, I have Andy. Andy is not my dog- he's a 9 year-old very mixy black Lab-something, and he's hanging out with me for a while. He has just experienced huge loss as well, so we have that in common. He's a lovely, quirky, grey-faced old man, and he likes to sleep and take walks in the woods behind our apartment and play tug-of-war. He is learning about toys and the clicker- and has taken to both with fervent abandon. I can appreciate Andy for being his own special self, and for the most part I don't project any of my sadness or grief onto him. He is Andy, not Chester...I guess that makes it easier, in a way- there is really no dog that could remind me of him, because he existed on his own plane of importance and significance and love and joy in my life. 

The other day, I was driving up the street towards my apartment. I live on sort of a forested little mountain-y hill, just slightly outside of the centre of the town. I love the area; I enjoy the quiet and the woods and the smell of pine trees in the rain. At any rate, I was driving, and there were the inevitable tears, and I don't remember what exactly I was thinking about in that second, but I happened to see a  beautiful black-tailed stag step into the street. As I slowed to a stop to let him cross, I saw another move out into the street behind him. As I marveled at my luck, I continued to watch in awe as not 2, not 3, but 9 deer (including a couple of fawns) crossed the street in front of me. They weren't in any hurry, and the little group paused to graze on a lawn across the street. A jogger ran past and did a double take- the deer weren't even fazed. I just felt so very lucky to have seen that, and I think in that moment I really needed to have some wildlife make an appearance and remind me to appreciate the moment and to be grateful for the many wonderful things I have, and have had, and will always have, in my life. 

The vet school here is beautiful, and the people are really lovely. It feels like a very supportive environment, and I am joining the shelter medicine club (!!!!), the association of equine practitioners, the international veterinary students association (which plans and executes a large/small animal health clinic each summer in Nicaragua!), and the zoo/wildlife/exotics club. There's so much more to do and take part in, but everything is so overwhelming right now that I'm trying to take one thing at a time (right now, it's get through the 4-midterms-in-6-days nonsense that we've been subjected to- 3 down, 1 to go!). I've actually done very, very well in school so far. I don't know how it's happening, but I'm grateful for it. 

So, there it is. I'm at my new vet school, I'm doing it in spite of my fears that I wouldn't be able to, and hopefully things will just get more manageable with time. Sending lots of love, and I hope you're all doing amazingly well in your little corners of the world. xo

Tabula rasa

I can't imagine that anyone reads this blog with the exception of my family (and that poor German person who seems to stumble upon my blog every once in a while), but here's a little update on the craziness that has been my life over the past nine months (oops!) since I've written a post. 

First off, let's not beat around the bush. The biggest news is that I found out about a month ago (is that all it's been?!) that I received a transfer position that opened up at the Oregon State University College of Veterinary Medicine in Corvallis, Oregon. I had applied last July when mum got sick, with very little hope that I'd ever hear anything (transfer positions are RARE in veterinary programs!). After a year and a half at Murdoch University in Australia, I had more or less settled in with the help of my incredible friends and support system in Perth. Still, there have been family issues at home that made it very hard for me to be so far away, and this past year especially had been a real challenge.

Fast forward to last month. I was invited to apply for an open transfer position, and after sending in all of the pertinent information and then waiting with bated breath, I got it! I couldn't believe it, it just seemed so surreal. The idea of making another big move to another vet school (in another country!) no less was daunting, but there was really no other choice in my mind. To me, the universe was telling me that I had the opportunity to be closer to my family again, and I took it. What followed has been a frantic month of preparations for the move, with me returning as planned to Perth after my three weeks of "winter" break in Vancouver. I spent about two and a half weeks in Perth cleaning the house, packing, organizing flights, and saying very difficult goodbyes to my close friends in Australia. 

I arrived back in Vancouver first, followed by Chester on his own (complete with a lot of anxious hand-wringing by Iain and I). Iain arrives in early September, at which point we'll head down to Oregon to find a place to live, come back to BC for some camping and goodbyes, then pack our things and actually make the move to Oregon. School starts in late September, but I have a graduate student orientation the week before, and a veterinary student orientation the following day. That will be good- I should have at least a week down there to settle in, relax a bit, buy my books, and start to find my way around Corvallis. It shouldn't be hard- by all accounts, it's a quaint little university town of 50,000 or so. I will be starting 2nd year again at OSU, even though I was half way through 2nd year already at Murdoch. Still, because OSU is a 4 year program and Murdoch is 5 years, I will actually graduate half a year earlier at Oregon State. That will be nice! 

My schedule for this coming semester is pretty intense, but looks awesome! I'm taking Parasitology, Pharmacology, Pathology, Virology, Mycology, and Bacteriology. In a nutshell, most of the "ologies". I've also got some amazing plans ahead for my summer breaks, which now mesh much better with some of the opportunities for vet students here in North America that I have been eager to pursue. Speaking of amazing opportunities, I just returned from a 4-day trip to the community of Ahousaht, on Flores Island in Clayoquot Sound. I went with the Canadian Animal Assistance Team, and it was my 7th project with this most favorite charity of mine! We had the most amazing team- two vets, along with 4 technologists, and a bevy of assistants. Every single member of the team was hard-working, dedicated, passionate, and tireless, which was fortunate as we ended up working very, very long days. I got to bed after midnight each night that we worked.

We arrived on Flores Island on Thursday afternoon, after a long day of packing, picking up our supplies, and travel. The west coast of Vancouver Island boasts some of the most stunning landscape one will ever see, and for me, it was the first time I'd been in a couple of years. Driving through the Pacific Rim National Park, I could feel that familiar release of stress and tension that signifies my return to nature at its wildest. I love the town of Tofino, but didn't see a lot of it- we headed straight for the docks and unloaded our pick up truck filled with medical supplies, dog and cat crates, and personal gear. After the boat ride, we unloaded at the rickety dock in Ahousaht and got settled in our living quarters. After, we unpacked our supplies and set up in the community hall where the clinic was to take place. We were joined on our walk through the village by countless community dogs, many of which were females visibly in heat, and their (many, many) suitors. Not for long, if we had any say in the matter!

To make a long story short, our team managed to spay and neuter more than 70 dogs and cats in the community. In addition, we vaccinated, provided parasite control, treated lacerations and abscesses, and cleaned up some rotten mouths. On a personal note, I got heaps of opportunities to practice IV catheter placement, intubation, line blocks, and anesthesia monitoring. I still find monitoring mature or pediatric spays quite stressful, but it takes a lot of practice! With injectable anesthetic protocols, it's not simply a case of standing there with your fancy iso machine and adjusting the dials as needed. As one of the vets put it, it's an art and a science- you have to rely on your eyes, your ears, and your stethoscope. I was so grateful for the help and patience of our incredible vets and techs who were always willing and eager to share their vast knowledge and experience with this newbie vet student. :)

I felt proud of some moments on this trip. They included correctly identifying a dog whose bradycardia (even prior to her premedication) made her unsuitable for surgery under our conditions, as confirmed by one of the vets. I intubated all sizes of animals from large dogs to kittens, and felt like my line blocks were well-placed (as evidenced by not needing to top up my patients' anesthetic during crucial moments). This year in school, I will be taking surgery, anesthesia, and medicine. I feel like when I do, things will start to fall in place even more! I have so much gratitude for CAAT and my experiences with them for allowing me to develop and hone my passions for field medicine, public health, and working with people and animals in underserved communities. We felt very welcomed by the community of Ahousaht. Lovely people and lovely animals!

I'd better wrap it up here. Thank you for joining me on my new adventures in my vet med education- I'll can't promise I'll try to be better about blogging, but I'll try to try! Also, in an effort to make this *not* the most boring blog that ever was, I will even make some sort of effort to post pictures. You're welcome! ;-) 

The end of the beginning, and homeward bound!

Wow, have I ever dropped the ball on updating my blog! I know that it's a common theme and to be honest, I don't see that changing anytime soon. Maybe in 4 more years. Yup, that's right- 4 MORE YEARS! I have officially finished my first year of veterinary school. That feels completely surreal and shocking! This semester has been filled with both challenges and triumphs, both personally as well as academically. I can't say I'd do it all over if I had the opportunity, but all we can ever do is take what we can from our experiences and learn from them. The constant love and support of Iain, as well as my family and friends, has gotten me through the worst as well as the best. 

Some highlights of this semester: My first blood draw on a sheep, my first experience performing rectal palpation/pregnancy testing on cows and feeling a calf's beating heart under my hand, learning to visualize a corpus luteum on an ultrasound of a horse's ovary. I've rediscovered my childhood obsession with horses, gotten some marks that have made me proud, and can fondly explain in intimate detail exactly what is occurring when Chester breathes at a slightly higher pitch due to his newly-diagnosed unilateral laryngeal paresis. There's no part of me that would try to pretend to be anything but the freshest of newbies with this whole veterinary thing. Still, I know a heck of a lot more than I did one year ago, and the amount of knowledge that I've been compelled to cram into my brain is fairly staggering. The thing that tells me that everything's going to be ok? The fact that I LOVE it. 

It's been difficult being away from home this semester. Mum has faced continued health issues, but is finally on the upswing, which makes me so happy I could sing (and nobody wants that!). Just in the midst of everything going on with her, both dogs developed acute medical issues back-to-back. Chester had to have a procedure done with the Medicine department, and it was an interesting experience being the client of one of my (very amazing, very brilliant) instructors. Incidentally, it was a tracheobronchoscopy- exactly the same procedure that mum had recently had. Unsurprisingly perhaps, I had a lot of fear about Chester having cancer. It turned out to be (very manageable) bronchitis, likely due to the wild and wacky air here in Perth. 

Just as the dust was clearing from Chester's experience, Dixie took a spill that left her immobile and maxing out her pain control quota. There was a short period of a couple of weeks where euthanasia had to become a very real consideration. She is a 10 year old Great Dane- we know that we're on bonus time with her now as it is. We were so grateful to have yet another Murdoch veterinarian do a couple of acupuncture home visits, prescribe some TCM,  and then bam- Dixie improved, put some muscle back on, and is a pretty spry (albeit ancient) girl again! As a side note, I felt proud of my university and proud of my vet program when I took both dogs into Murdoch for their care. Dealing with the fabulous clinicians, as well as the amazing and very competent 5th year vet students was very exciting and inspiring. Someday I'll be there, and it will come much quicker than I can imagine. 

When I was finally starting to get excited about being done with first year and coming home, I took a tumble off of a futon which sent my knee straight through our glass front window. I know, it sounds weird and unlikely and is most definitely embarrassing. Ironically, I was studying nociception at the time, which is involved in the perception of pain. I actually saw my patella (knee cap) before Maren and Iain made me lie back while they called an ambulance. I was in hospital for a few days after having emergency surgery to clean out all the glass, inject antibiotics into the joint, and check that the patellar tendon hadn't sustained any major damage. I was very lucky- apart from some minor damage to my medial collateral ligament, I am fine and have been walking without crutches for a few days now. 

An unfortunate result of this experience is that I had to defer three finals- two of the biggies (my anatomy and physiology theory exams), and an animal handling prac exam, which I can make up next year. I suppose hauling sheep and pigs up onto my knees, bending, kneeling, and otherwise running around the farm with cattle and horses are not conducive to having a 30-staple surgical incision. I found myself really depressed after the accident. I have such a new humble appreciation for what it might be like to adjust to living permanently with mobility issues. Not having my autonomy for that week and a half or so (and even now) was quite difficult. I was so fortunate to have Iain and some great friends who helped me through. I hated asking for help, however. Loneliness is an insidious creature; it creeps up and tenderly wraps you in its folds and whispers promises of things being better as long as you don't bother others with your pain. Still, I am so, so much better now. I have written the exams that I could and I will write the other two in January, in Vancouver, when I am capable of doing myself justice.

So in two days, I head home, with Iain just a day behind me! He is coming for 3 weeks, and to say that we are excited would be the understatement of the year. We have big plans for some actual proper time spent together, and with our families and friends. I have two weeks fully off (!!!), and then I start a full time job with Dr. Rob Spooner and his phenomenal staff at Yaletown Pet Hospital in Vancouver. Rob is a friend of mine from CAAT with fantastic politics and the wonderfully morbid sense of humor shared almost universally among the veterinary crowd. I am so looking forward to working at a progressive hospital which practices excellent medicine and quality of care. I'm so lucky to continue to have opportunities to learn from the very best of the best. I can't wait!

Well, off I go back to packing, cleaning, and sorting. All the best to everyone and for the Vancouver contingent...I'll see you all SOON, SOON, SOON!!! xoxo

Kangaroos have two vaginas, and other amazing vet school-related minutiae

I felt kind of bad about the blog post I wrote last night. I tried at the time to keep myself upbeat, but as I just read back through it, it's pretty depressing. As such, I've decided to post about some fascinating facts relating to reproductive anatomy and physiology, which is coincidentally exactly what I am studying at the moment! Here goes:

1) As per this blog title, female kangaroos do in fact have paired lateral vaginae, which is kind of a fancy way of saying that they have two vaginas. Lucky them?

2) The fibroelastic penis of the boar (male pig) looks just like an earthworm.

3) Bighorn sheep rams actually spend much of the year in bachelor herds, where they practice almost exclusively homosexual behaviour. In fact, females frequently have to mimic the behaviours of rams just to get the males interested in copulation. Also, around 10% of animals are "gay". Take that, extreme right!

4) Female hyenas are masculinized in utero, and as such they develop an elongated clitoris known as a pseudopenis. They actually do have to give birth through it, and as a result, ten percent of first-time mothers die during labour, as do around 50% of cubs. All I can say is yikes.

5) The mammary glands of dairy cows can weigh up to 60 kg.

I think that will do for now. Fascinating stuff, isn't it? Obviously, I've tried to include some of the more entertaining bits and bobs while avoiding the drier material...not that I'm sure all of you aren't desperate to learn all about histological features of the seminiferous epithelium, or the role of non-clustered hox genes in limb and organ development.

You're welcome. ;-)

EDIT: Because I am totally neurotic, I was humiliated to note that I had typed "fibrocartilaginous" instead of "fibroelastic" as a descriptor for the boar's penis. I hope I can be forgiven in light of the frequency that the word "fibrocartilage" comes up when studying anatomy. I am, nonetheless, embarrassed. *shame spiral*